aqua fortis

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Nielsen Day One: Rerun City

It's now near the end of our first day as a trial-period Nielsen family, and I have come to the conclusion that we watch way too much TV, a lot of it reruns. Granted, we're talking quality reruns: The Simpsons, M*A*S*H, Monty Python's Flying Circus. In fact, I just watched the Lumberjack Song on PBS--a classic.

I also saw a lot of commercials. The one that annoyed me the most was a commercial for Frosted Mini-Wheats or something similar. The commercial showed a little girl on stage at a spelling bee. She is asked to spell "aardvark." She begins: "Aardvark: A-R..." At which point a Frosted Mini-Wheat appears on the microphone and prompts her. She corrects herself: "A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K, Aardvark." Everybody applauds wildly.

At the risk of sounding even more like a dork than I usually do, there are several things wrong with this picture. Firstly, and most glaringly, you would never be allowed to correct yourself in a spelling bee once you screwed up. If you say the wrong thing you're just fucked, plain and simple. You're out of there. Bu-bye. And speaking of bu-bye, you can't just prompt people from the audience. It's highly forbidden. That Frosted Mini-Wheat would have been hella kicked out. And lastly, who gets asked to spell "aardvark?" I would have killed for "aardvark." Instead I got "pixilated". Screw that. On the other hand, I got a guy three years older than I was to hate me for several years because I almost beat him. But then he spelled "pixilated" right. Bah.

Perhaps I'm a bit pixilated myself right now--I just re-read that. 1.5 beers isn't exactly going to make me sloshed, though.

I forgot to mention that the Nielsen company sent us $15.00 in cash along with our TV diaries, presumably to compensate us for mailing them back. But cash?? Um, okay. Thanks. Sure. We love Nielsen. Send us more.


a. fortis said...

Oh! And another thing about spelling bees. Where was the wild applause? All I remember is a lot of forlorn parental sighing.

Those of you who've read my story "Literacy" (now an unpublished contest runner-up!) will now realize where much of it came from...

TadMack said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
TadMack said...

Cash!? Seriously!?!
And the Lumberjack Song all in the same day? Your life no longer sucks!!

I always wondered how people became Nielsen families too - but now that you might become one, we're all counting on you to WATCH THE SHOWS WE ALL LIKE because everytime anything gets cancelled, we're hunting you guys down.