aqua fortis

Friday, December 21, 2007

The Most Amazing Link I Have Seen in Months

Thanks to Fuse #8 (and Neil Gaiman), my eyes have now been opened to the phenomenon that is Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. Unfortunately you can't give this amazing item as a Christmas present, as it is currently out of stock. However, it may comfort you to know that people who viewed Tuscan Whole Milk on Amazon also viewed Uranium Ore, Fresh Whole Rabbit, and Summer's Eve Anti-Itch Gel. And you ain't seen nothin' till you've seen the lyrical paean, modeled after Kubla Khan, singing the praises of Tuscan Milk in the Customer Reviews section. And if poetry's not your bag, there are 975 other reviews that might be more to your liking, such as:

"For those of you foolish enough not to know the joys of a plastic pitcher of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz: I thoroughly pity your wretched state."
"This whole milk is smooth and milky in consistency. Not at all gritty, chalky or sandy. An excellent purchase."

Oh, and for the love of God, don't forget to click on the Customer Images. Seriously, this could entertain you for hours. If you're really bored.


TadMack said...

WHY are you always here to help me waste time? WHY!?!?!?

Purchasing uranium ore? "When mixed with Tuscan whole milk I gained the power to control deceased woodland creatures. I am now in the process of raising an army of undead wombats to overthrow the government from deep within my volcanic lair. Soon you all will bow down before the wombat king!"

If it weren't for you, I would never have even found the uranium, not to mention the deer rear and the whole rabbit...

a. fortis said...

Hey, it's my job! ;)

Well, it used to be my job. Really. Back in those heady days where I wrote a column about weird websites...this one would have fit right in!