Embarrassing Things I Wrote in the Past

Yeah, I wrote a lot of things in the past that I find embarrassing now. It's just the way things work. But today's is quite special--after Tanita posted her college-era letter to her future self over on Finding Wonderland, I remembered an essay (yes, ESSAY) that I wrote, completely of my own volition, at age 13 (it's dated June 20, 1990), differentiating the types of people who annoyed me. Evidently the old joke is true: there are two types of people, those who divide people into types and those who don't. Ha ha. Clearly my 13-year-old self was obsessed with dividing people into types. Or I was really mad at someone. Anyway, here it is for your reading amusement. Let me just note, for the record, three things: 1) I was REALLY CRANKY when I was 13, and 2) I'm glad I never have to be 13 again, and 3) I am really not this person anymore. Um, I don't think. Then again, I did draw all those Common Species of the Literary World Cartoons...

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INSIGHTS - DIFFERENCES (by Sarah, June 20, 1990)

There are many different types of people in the world. Those, like me, who choose to have friends may have certain standards that these friends must live up to, certain characteristics of their personalities. 

One main thing about people is that they may change. As friends mature, their personalities and viewpoints can drastically be altered. It is then when one sees more readily certain types of people.

One of the most common types is the fakers. People who pretend to be someone they aren't. There are some identifying attributes to these people's outside personalities. For one, you often see them "kissing up" to people in prominent places. Don't get this confused with the harmless type of kissing up, as with being truly kind to people, or being indifferent to people one doesn't like. [Editor's Note: I was obviously unclear on the concept of kissing up...]

--NOTE: I am not classifying people in a false way because, from experience, I tell you this is true-- [I find this side note HYSTERICAL.]


Fakers can readily be told from others when kissing up--it sounds phony somehow. [Way to be specific.] The other most prominent attribute of fakers is that they often take up the characteristics and likes and dislikes of someone they adore or admire. For example, an obsession with a rock group can mean instantaneous liking of anything associated with the hometown of the group, i.e. sports teams. Also, wishes to be "in" can result in pretending, to satisfy the admired person. Another example of this is people who take drugs just to be cool. [...as opposed to people who take drugs for other reasons?]

Another group of people are those who are undependable. You cannot trust them with personal items, as they may lose or damage them. They may not call back, and one is never sure what to expect from an undependable person, which is why this is so short. [ROFL.] They are quick to forget anything previously said, whether a promise or an argument, as if it never happened.

A group often synonymous with undependable people are short-tempered people. If you are truly miffed at them, they stomp off in a huff, grumbling to the heavens. ["grumbling to the heavens?" Nice one.] On the other hand, if you have just patiently explained something to them which doesn't suit them, they throw a fury of a tantrum, yelling at you until you've even forgotten what it is you said, you're so buffeted.

One group can inadvertently earn their title: the ignorers. Though a number of people may purposely be a faker and ignore their true friends while kissing up to someone, some inadvertently consort with other friends, unaware that they are leaving people out. [Consort!!] These people also have a tendency to "group" at parties. [Because my 13-year-old self had been to SO many parties.]

The worst sort of person is the pain-in-the-posterior, or the persister. [HAHAHA] They commonly attach themselves to people unwantedly, and often persist at personal inquiries best left unanswered. In other words, a gossip. You know the type. Need I say more? [Um, no.]

The victims of one or more of these types of people, the ones who innocently befriended them without a thought towards hidden changes or recessive personality traits are called drifters. With one or two close friends, they seek friendship and are often too hurt by previous people to really open up. They are afraid that people won't like them for petty, insignificant reasons. [This is kind of sad. I had forgotten about that particular fear.] Unwary victims of circumstance, offers of friendship by others are often incredulously met by drifters, who aren't receptive for the sole reason that they cannot believe something good actually happened to them. [I think I just liked the phrase "unwary victims of circumstance."] Thus, it is difficult for this poor group to make close friends, though they are usually well-liked.

This classification of some individuals is to suit the needs of the author only, who is not to blame for bitter truths. [Best. Disclaimer. Ever.]