I Am Not Alone

I love it when I'm reading something and I have one of those "oh my god" moments, a moment where I recognize or identify with what I'm reading so strongly that I have to go back and read that sentence or paragraph again, and then again and maybe even yet again. I've been having a lot of those moments with my current read, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain.

I've been meaning to read this one for a while--ever since I heard the author in a radio interview--but now that I've finally gotten to it, I keep wishing I'd read it sooner. So much of what she writes about resonates with me in an incredibly deep way. I read her stories of real-life introverted individuals and feel like perhaps the way I am isn't weird or unusual or abnormal or pathological, and I feel amazed that there are other people out there who are like me.

Today's real oh-my-god moment came in the form of an almost toss-off, brief mention, but it hit me really hard. The author was talking about a respected professor who would get constantly get invited to speaking engagements, and sometimes they'd ask him to have lunch with bigwigs afterward. But in some of those instances, he also had an afternoon lecture, and he really, really needed the down time during lunch. One of the locations where this would happen did not offer any opportunities for escape, and so "After each lecture he would race to the restroom and hide inside a stall." A few lines later was a parenthetical aside: "(Taking shelter in bathrooms is a surprisingly common phenomenon, as you probably know if you're an introvert.)"

As a matter of fact, NO, I did NOT know it was "surprisingly common"--I actually thought I was sort of a freak for doing that, even though it's something I've done since I was a kid. Starting when I was about 9 or 10, I used to hide in the bathroom at parties my dad brought me to. These were usually vast South Asian weddings in giant hotel halls, or crowded parties at the house of some distant relative or friend or community member. Only sometimes would I even know the person who was getting married or who was throwing the event. I usually only really knew my dad, my stepmom, and my stepsister, and sometimes my uncle's family, if they happened to be there (and that usually helped A LOT). There were usually at least a dozen people I kinda-sorta-knew or had met before or was supposed to know but didn't remember--assorted step-relatives, family friends, people from the mosque community.

I found these events excruciatingly long and tedious, and had no desire to try to talk to random people--some of whom spoke very little English and so would address me in the Urdu they wrongly assumed I knew. The events were loud, and full of brightly-colored clothing and sparkling jewelry (admittedly, quite lovely), and there always seemed to be little kids screaming and running rampant everywhere. Sometimes my stepsister would be bugging me. (Sorry, Mimi...)

I had almost always been encouraged from a very young age to take a book with me whenever I had to wait around somewhere or thought I might get bored--it was a guaranteed way to keep me quiet, docile, and reasonably content. And so at these parties I would often have a paperback book stashed in my purse, or if I didn't have a bag, in my dad's car. From time to time, when I got overwhelmed, I would rush off to the bathroom with my book and hang out in there reading until some time passed and I could face the hubbub again, but hopefully not so long that people wondered where I was and what the heck I was doing. This was a particularly fun activity in hotel or event-facility bathrooms because they were often huge and cushy, and sometimes they had a front room with a chair or bench to sit on. I tried not to hang out in the stall. People wonder what you're doing in there. And at times, I still go hide in the bathroom if I'm feeling overwhelmed, and if I don't have somewhere else to conveniently escape to.

So when I read that sentence in the book, it really brought home the point that the way I am is not wrong, and it's not really even that unusual--and perhaps I should be more charitable and compassionate with myself when I think back on those times, instead of assuming I was the abnormal one at the party, the only one who didn't really want to be there or who preferred less chaotic types of get-togethers.

Munch's The Scream

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

I absolutely love this. This is Norwegian artist Edvard Munch on his painting The Scream:

I was tired and ill--I stood looking out across the fjord--the sun was setting--the clouds were coloured red--like blood--I felt as though a scream went through nature--I thought I heard a scream--I painted this picture--painted the clouds like real blood. The colours were screaming.

(in The Shock of the New by Robert Hughes)

Amazing stuff. I also learned that the figure in The Scream bears a non-coincidental resemblance to an Incan mummy on display at the Parisian Expo of 1889.

Blogging Thoughts

I've been giving a lot of thought to the problem of what purpose I want this blog, this particular one right here, to serve. I haven't been posting a lot. That doesn't mean I'm not blogging, because I post twice a week to Finding Wonderland, rain or shine, and as the Cybils blog editor again this year, I put up between 3 and 5 posts per week there. And then there's my paid blogging/article writing gig at A Place for Mom, which has been upped from 2 posts a week to 3. At about 500 words apiece, it's no small potatoes. I blog a LOT.

Just…very little of it is what I'd call my personal thoughts. I tend to save those for short bursts on Twitter and Facebook. I am also constantly battling questions like Who really cares? What purpose does it serve? Are my thoughts really that interesting? Does anyone even "read" blogs anymore or do they just go surfing for specific topics? I mean, I haven't been doing much blog reading lately myself. I hate to admit that, especially as someone very much enmeshed in the children's literature blogging community. I've gained a lot of treasured friends and writing connections by reading their blogs. But my blog reading is no longer regulated by Google Reader; I read a handful of random posts in any given week, clicking through from e-mails or tweets or Facebook. I haven't been commenting. Everyone else has plenty to say; they don't need to hear my two cents.

So then what? That's the question I've been asking myself, over and over. What do I have to say, here, that hasn't been said a million times and far more eloquently? What do I have to offer that's unique, and that I haven't posted elsewhere? And do I have enough of it to offer on a thrice-weekly basis or whatever? Am I helping, or at least entertaining, anyone by doing it? Myself, at the very least? Do I have to have a special "thing" that my blog is known for? How can I create something sufficiently individual, or is BEING an individual and posting about it enough?

I've wondered over and over if I should say goodbye to this blog; if I should stop blogging, period. I haven't gotten to that point yet. But I'm definitely doing some thinking about the why of it all.

Put a Binder Clip On It

Sort of in honor of Put a Bird On It, lately I've been thinking that for many a household task, I can just Put a Binder Clip On It. Those damn things are useful. Here are a few purposes I've used binder clips for that they were not originally intended to serve:

• Chip clip/bag clip. This one's obvious, but still. I have never, ever owned enough kitchen-specific bag clips, and they cost too much anyway. Whereas I have probably hundreds of binder clips of myriad sizes, clamoring to be used.
• Cord holder. Actually, I haven't done this one, yet--but I keep meaning to. Take one of those gigantic binder clips and keep those pesky electronics cords together, untangled, and out of the way. (Just don't put the clip ON the cord....I mean slide the cords through the long triangular space.)
• Outgoing mail holder. We have one of those mailboxes that's like a little box attached to the wall next to the front door. For incoming mail, you lift the lid on a hinge and put it inside. For outgoing mail, there's an unwieldy little two-pronged rack thingy. It looks a lot like this, but white. Because I'm paranoid that my outgoing mail will fall off the rack and go AWOL before the mail carrier gets to it, especially if it's breezy, I hold it on with a little binder clip.
• DIY seat belt repair. Admittedly, this is REALLY not a normal use for a binder clip, and not one I would wish on anyone. But it had to be done. Here's the story: you may not have ever noticed it before, but there is a little plastic nub on your seat belt that stops the buckle from sliding down all the way to the floor when it's just hanging there unused. (At least, there is in my Civic.) At some point, the nub fell off my seat belt. All I had in the car that was of any remote use was a binder clip, so I MacGyvered that shit. It's now been like that for weeks.

So, yep. Put a binder clip on it. That's my advice. I'm sure there are many other uses I haven't even considered. Like maybe a key chain. In a pinch I've used a large paper clip as a key chain, so why not a binder clip?

The Next Big Thing Author Meme

As part of my effort to try to make this blog a bit more of my official "author blog" and a home for my creative stuff in general, I've decided that it's the perfect place to post this Q&A, which is part of an ongoing blog meme for authors. I was tagged by the lovely Tanita, who posted about HER next big thing here. It's meant to pique interest about what I'm working on now or next, and so I'll be posting about my upcoming book release Underneath--and then I'll be tagging five authors whose work I admire (and hoping they don't want to whomp me for giving them yet another Thing To Do...)

Anyway, here goes!

What is the working title of your next book?

Underneath is the official title, and it was the working title, too--lucky me to keep my title!

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I started it during a long-bygone NaNoWriMo, and I'm not entirely sure what made me start writing this one, except that I wanted to write something about psychic abilities and I also was interested in how those abilities would have practical ramifications for a real-life person in a contemporary setting. Also, there is a strong thread having to do with friendships, and the making and breaking thereof, and I feel that is always a relevant topic not only for YA readers but throughout life (sadly).

What genre does your book fall under?

I would call it sort-of-paranormal, I guess, and sort of realistic.

What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

I think Chloe Moretz  (of Kick-Ass and Hugo fame) would make an awesome Mikaela, even though she's maybe not, um, Latina. Is Kal Penn old enough to play a dad? Could he be Sunny's dad? That might be cool. Or Naveen Andrews. Naomi Scott, who was the teenaged daughter in Terra Nova, I always thought would make an amazing Asha for The Latte Rebellion, and I could see her as either Sunny OR Shiri, really. I don't know of very many half-South-Asian actresses, so that one's tough! As for Cody...hmm...maybe Logan Lerman, who played Percy Jackson? He'd need a major dye job. At first I though Robert Pattinson, but then I thought nah, too obvious.

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

16-year-old Sunny develops the power to hear thoughts in the wake of a family tragedy, and it turns her life upside down.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I'm represented by the fabulous Jennifer Laughran of Andrea Brown Literary Agency, and the book will be published by Flux in June. 

How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

I started writing this during National Novel Writing Month in, oh, something like 2005 or 2006. I started late, I didn't get to 50,000 words, and I got partway in and had no idea how to end the story. I was immensely frustrated, so I put it away for a year or more before finishing the first draft. Then I got frustrated with it all over again, and put it away AGAIN before rewriting. So it's been kind of a difficult project. I'm so pleased and proud that, with plenty of advice from others, I've managed to get it to the publication point!

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Phoo. I don't know. Um...Wake by Lisa McMann, perhaps...Tighter by Adele Griffin...Hold Still by Nina LaCour (though it's not paranormal)...Replay by Robin Brande.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

In 1998, when I was 21 years old, my stepcousin Janet killed herself, and I was left with a lot of questions, of lingering doubts and guilt and other complicated emotions. Sadly, though, this is not an uncommon situation for young people to find themselves faced with. At a certain point, I felt that if I could work it into my writing and create something that was in some way not just cathartic for me, but could help readers feel less alone, I wanted to do that.

On a less somber note, I also was mulling over the idea of a character who was willing to believe in supernatural powers, and what that would mean for my narrator. I had a friend when I was in high school and college who believed in auras and past lives, and that was always intriguing to me. That trait ended up forming the basis of a lot of characters in the book, as I thought about who would believe in Sunny's powers or to what extent someone might be skeptical.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

A lot of people have asked me if my next book was also going to feature mixed-race characters, and I can tell those people YES, Sunny is also half South Asian, but it's not a part of the plot in the same way as it was in The Latte Rebellion.

***

I've email-tagged five writers, and while I can't guarantee they'll participate, you should definitely check out their websites!

• Fellow blogger Gail Gauthier of Original Content has said YES and will be telling you about her next big thing. She's the author of The Hero of Ticonderoga and the Hannah and Brandon books, among others.
• Robin LaFevers is a blog bud, writing pal, and fellow introvert who wrote the fab Theodosia books as well as the very exciting Grave Mercy and its upcoming sequel Dark Triumph, which I can't wait to read--check out her blog here.
• Beth Kephart is also a blogging and writing friend whose books are all amazingly lyrical and touching--her most recent is Small Damages, which I need to read already, and I look forward to finding out more about what's on the docket. Her blog posts are always thoughtful and thought-provoking.
• Colleen Mondor of the redoubtable Chasing Ray wrote The Map of My Dead Pilots, a truly fascinating memoir. I know that whatever else she's got coming next, it's going to be wonderful--if she can take a break between book reviews.
• Lastly, I wanted to tag Sarah Beth Durst because she is always so thoughtful about remembering me for review copies of her new titles, and because I absolutely loved her latest fantasy novel, Vessel and want to know what's coming next. Her blog is here.