Swear to God, that was the subject line of a spam e-mail message I got yesterday. So I've decided I am now officially "aquafunkatron."
Anyway, I'm sort of freaked out--but excited--by the fact that my 30th birthday is on Saturday. I've officially disturbed three people this month by being much older than they thought I was, which means there shall be much amusement in the future when I actually turn 30. Even a girl bagging my groceries at the store--a girl who said she was 16 years old--said she thought I was more like 18. I guess that means I have teen street cred. Not a bad thing if I'm writing young adult novels. Not a great thing if I'm trying to buy booze.
However, I did feel every single bit of my age (and, in fact, am still feeling it) after Rob's and my first night of the indoor soccer class we decided to take at the J.C. I'm quite proud of myself for A) not completely sucking, and B) managing to play a full 90-minute game of soccer and not having to lie down on the floor and die. I even made a couple of killer blocks. One of them involved the ball being kicked directly at my thigh, which resulted in me having a nice red mark with clearly defined soccer-ball seams for about the next day. No major bruise, though, amazingly enough. I tried to take a picture of the symmetrical tripartite red mark, but it didn't come out--sorry. No photographic evidence.
The problem, though, with running around a gym with a bunch of 20-year-olds for 90 minutes is that, if you're 30 (or 31, in Rob's case), and you're not actually a soccer player per se (and in my case, haven't played soccer in any formal setting since about junior high), you WILL feel it in the morning. And the entire next day. And the day after that, apparently, as well, since I'm still having bizarre aches in muscles I never knew existed and which I don't have the slightest idea how to stretch. Which means...more Aspercreme. And perhaps a trip to the gym tomorrow just to soak in the hot tub. I should recover by the time next Tuesday rolls around... By then I'll be ready to buy a cane and some reading glasses, too.